Ten Things You Don't Say to a Pregnant Woman

Sunday, October 20, 2013

I'm nearing the end of my second pregnancy.  This time around has been different because I knew some of the things to expect - good and bad.  One thing that I was more prepared for was the social slush of comments that people just spurt out without even thinking about it obviously.  My husband and I refer to this as diarrhea of the mouth.  Let's be honest - when you're pregnant you're already a mess of hormonal emotions.  The last thing a pregnant woman needs is for these thoughtless comments to be expressed -- no matter how thick your skin may be at the moment.

So let me share with you my friends my list of things you NEVER SAY TO A PREGGO:

1.  Are you sure you aren't having twins?
Yes, I have been asked this.  And yes, it took all I could do not to knock their front teeth out.  I already feel like a whale and being pregnant changes your body in all different ways.  Therefore let me make this clear for you - unless I have TOLD you I'm having twins, I'm not so don't even ask me that.

2.  Did you get this big with your other pregnancy?
Gee, thanks for reminding me that my stomach is so big I can no longer see my feet or breath while I attempt to shave my legs.  Some women show quicker and some carry completely small.  Either way don't ask me about my size because that number that keeps growing on the scale is quite frightening and comments like that remind me that the number will continue to grow until the baby arrives.

3.  When's your due date? (Insert my answer of around Thanksgiving.) Really? That far away?
Now that I have five weeks left, this reminder doesn't really bother me.  However, when I was asked this a month or two ago I wanted to scream.  Luckily I'm the type of person that just laughs, walks away and then vents about it to my friends later.  But you may run into a pregnant woman on a not-so-good day and end up with a black eye after that comment.
Just saying...

4.  Are you sure you're going to make it to your due date?
Once again, this one doesn't really bother me too much, however I still have a list of never ending things to do (including deciding on a name) before Baby Sissy arrives.  Therefore in theory, this comment is okay but it really puts a strain on my anxiety and stress level. 

5.  Wow, you're really swollen.
This comment was from my mother when I wasn't even 30 weeks pregnant.  Seriously?!?! My wedding ring still fits AND I didn't think I really had the cankles yet.  Apparently I was wrong...well according to her at least.

6.  Getting the hairy eyeball from the cashier as I purchase wine or beer at the grocery store.
Maybe it was the fact that I had an unruly two year old trying to put things on the belt for me.  Or maybe it was the fact that I had a twelve pack of beer in my cart.  But let me set this one straight -- I do have a husband at home who IS NOT pregnant..  So don't judge.  Because I can promise you that as good as this beer does sound, I will wait until after the baby is born to partake in these adult activities.  Which will probably be as soon as the epidural wears off...

7.  Should you be doing that?  I mean, you are pregnant.
I'm pregnant not incapable.  Plus if I honestly thought I shouldn't be running or lifting weights or holding the box, I'd ask for help.  But if you're referring to cooking dinner, giving Cohen a bath or doing laundry then yes, you are right.  I probably shouldn't be doing that.

8. How much weight have you gained?
This question is ONLY appropriate in two ways:
A.  You are pregnant yourself.
B.  You are a friend or family member.
But if you are a friend of a friend or someone I've said five words to in my entire life, you'll probably get the hairy eyeball and an answer like, "Oh just a few pounds."

9.  You look so tired.
Well, thanks there pal.  I mean I'm only working 8.5 hours a day, running after a 3 year old, carrying a fetus and taking care of a household.  I shouldn't really be that tired or anything...

10.  Wow, I bet you're going to have a big baby.
And I bet you have a big mouth too  My thought process at this time is refraining to talk back, ignoring that comment and continue to pray that my epidural works on BOTH sides this time around.  Better yet, I continue to pray for a baby that is smaller than 7.5 lbs and only takes 3 pushes to enter the world.

Now I'm going to go out on a limb and say that many of you, pregnant or previously pregnant, have encountered at least one of these ignorant comments, if not more than one.  But in the grand scheme of things it's these diarrhea-of-the-mouth kind of people that make you a stronger person as well as a smarter person.
Trust me, the second time around your skin is much thicker AND your mouth gets just a bit smarter so those people better watch out and hope they aren't speaking to one of us hormonal second time (or more)  mamas.

What is the worst comment you've been given during your pregnancy?


  1. People are so insensitive with the things they say to pregnant women! It's like they get around a pregnant woman and lose their filter!

  2. You're doing great ! It's amazing how unconsciously or consciously rude some people can be.

  3. It is amazing how inconsiderate some people are

  4. Some people just don't know what to say at times. Rule # 1. I f you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

  5. You are so adorable! Seriously. Who would say those crazy things. You look FABULOUS, skinny all over with a baby belly. I would have loved that. Instead I looked like a whale, hahaha!

  6. You look great! And, I believe some people just don't know what to say and they probably don't know they're being rude.

  7. Those are such horrible questions to ask! You look amazing - no way you're having twins!

  8. I am having twins and someone in my family told me, "Wow, you are only 20 weeks?? You're going to be HUGE!!"

  9. My mother often doesn't think before she speaks, so I understand these comments and the people that spout them off. I am so sorry you've heard them!

  10. Oh dear... people really don't think before they speak, do they?

  11. Those questions did not really bother me while I was pregnant.

  12. I've been trying to help educate all the folks around my many pregnant friends. I keep hearing, addressed to beautiful women close to baby time : "Wow, you're getting really big!" I always pipe up and say "You're not supposed to say THAT! It's the baby that's getting bigger. Just tell her she looks gorgeous and radiant, because its true!"

  13. One of our favorite subs told me that his wife was never as big as I was and she had triplets. I wanted to punch him in the face!

  14. I teach kindergarten. My password of the day was "big." They have to say the word before they enter the room he said the word and pointed to my belly. I had to laugh about it because he had a huge smile on his face and I liked that he had humor. The second time he didn't do anything but the third time he pointed and said "really big!" It wasn't as cute then.

  15. Haha, I totally agree with these! I got the "your due date is that far away????" comment a few times near the end of my pregnancy. Not cool!

  16. Oh my gosh, I think I've heard every one directed to me too. It's fascinating how oblivious to their rudeness people can be.

  17. What has happened to etiquette? I mean really! I remember a few of those comments when I was pregnant with our daughter, but honestly the one that bothered me the most was actually after she was born and everyone was asking, so when are you going to have another one? Goodness people let this one have a birthday first!!

  18. These cracked me up because it is so true!!!

    The worst comment I had was from the OBGYN: i cried all the way home, she said that my weight gain was too much for where I was at 36 weeks. I have always been underweight, I was around 36 weeks and gained 35lbs, up from 125 at 5'8", she should had NEVER told me that. I was healthy, happy and so was the baby. (yes, I'm still angry about that comment :) ).

    Take care!

  19. hahahaha it's true!! I remember these comments... and it somehow sounds worse when they come from another mummy!!?!?!

  20. people are so rude. I had some real winners when I was PG

  21. I am a mother of four and have heard all of these and then some. I got used to them. But the thing that really ticked me off was the lack of personal space complete strangers had. I would have people that I have never seen in my LIFE come up and rub my belly without even asking. My second pregnancy, I was crabby through the entirety of my third trimester, and I am an evil, crafty woman. I had had enough of being touched by strangers, so when a random woman came up on me outside of WalMart and started rubbing circles over my rounded stomach and cooing, I took a deep breath, widened my eyes, prepared the waterworks, and waited for the question I knew would come out of her mouth.
    Woman: *patpat* "Awww! How far along are you?"
    Me: *clutching my chest with a huge sniffle* I-I'm not ppppregnant! *squeezes out a dramatic tear*

    The look on her face as she backed away and ran had me laughing my giant butt off for DAYS!

    One of my good friends tortured me endlessly this last pregnancy about my cankles . Apparently in retaliation for my perpetual crabbiness through all nine months. She ended up pregnant during the last few months of my pregnancy. I returned her oh so loving encouragement. LoL