When Life's Not Fair - My Meaningless Pity Party

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Yesterday I woke up and started the day off with a personal pity party.  Lola was awake half the night coughing which made for horrible sleeping.  Then, at 4:30 a.m. as I was getting her a cup of cold water to help soothe her throat, I fell down the stairs at 35.5 weeks pregnant.  Luckily I escaped with just a bruised arm, but damn it hurt.  I then cried for a half hour because of my throbbing arm and because I was over the day already.  I got into the shower before my alarm went off and went to make coffee only to find we were out of sugar. The tears started flowing again.  Luckily I was so early that I had time to stop at Starbucks only to be given an iced latte instead of my beloved iced Carmel coffee.  The eyes were welling up once again my friends.

But things changed as I got an early notification from a friend on Facebook. 
A friend I worked with at my very first job out of college was given hours to live.

She had been battling Stage 4 breast cancer for over a year.
She was 32 years young.

Immediately my heart hurt.  It hurt for her husband and her two young children.  It hurt for her mom and dad who had to watch their own child in pain.  It hurt because it wasn't fair.

I drove the short way to work in silence and in tears because as a mother of almost three I can't imagine what her family is going through.  My personal pity party dissipated as I realized I should be thankful for the time I had with my children, even if it means waking up at all hours of the night.  Yes, I was exhausted but that means nothing.  I have my health and the ability to get up and help my children whenever they need me.  The realization that I cried because my ego was bruised more than my arm but it was a pain that I could control - not one that was taking over my body made me feel embarrassed because it was miniscule to the pain she was feeling and had been for the past year.  And then I remembered my foolish tears over coffee.  COFFEE. 
The pity party stopped right there.

Sadly my friend lost her battle with this horrible beast yesterday afternoon.

I continue to think about her family, her husband and her two young children.  I pray for strength, peace and healing as they travel this road of grief from now until forever.  I hope that they will come to an understanding as to why something so heartbreaking and horrible would happen to their family. 

 Now I will take this time, this situation, to reflect on how lucky I am to have my health and hug my family even tighter today and everyday.  Life is too short and unfortunately it isn't always fair.  While I haven't talked to my friend in a few years, I am still grieving for her family and will continue to ask how this could happen to someone so young? 

I'm not a super religious person but I do believe that in even dark times like these, there is an answer.  Some kind of light that will eventually show through to make sense of the situation.

Cancer sucks.

RIP Karie.  I'm happy you are no longer in pain and in heaven with your daughter.


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